Whinging Wednesday

PART A
1. Jaws went out of town yesterday until Friday. I'm pretty furious about it. He knew I didn't want him to go and he chose to go anyway. What?? You're shocked that I'm posting frustrating marital problems??!??! It's not all sunshine and flowers all the time??

Nope.

I sent him a text telling him if he wanted to make amends he'd better come back home with something pretty and shiny for me, paid for out of his own money and not the family fund. Oh yeah. After 15 years we've resorted to threats when one of us is acting like a jackhole. (And in this case it's HIM.)

2. But Jennifer, why didn't you want him to go spend four days getting training (NOT FOR WORK BUT FOR HIS VOLUNTEER SERVICE IN THE UNION I.E. NOT THE JOB THAT PAYS HIS SALARY AND IS THEREFORE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE) on an all-expenses-paid trip to Myrtle Beach, complete with a private ocean front room??

Because.

Oh, you wanted more reason than that? Because UNO- it's what we call "CRUNCH WEEK" in the theatre world- SEUSSICAL opens in 8 short days. We have practice everyday until late at night, and that takes it's toll. AND DOS- he didn't HAVE to go, but he really WANTED to go. So basically he has jetted off leaving me to handle EVERYTHING, even though I asked him NICELY to please not go.

Seeing as how Jaws never reads my blog (even though I've invited him to, and even asked him to post!!) I guess you will never hear his side of the story (which would be WRONG WRONG WRONG anyway) and you'll just have to take my word for it that my anger is throughly justified, and besides, when have you ever known me to be anything but pleasant and loving and understanding???

I rest my case.


PART B
1. I've decided to get an iPhone when I'm due for an upgrade next spring. Yep, I'm going to actually PAY MONEY for a phone.

My iPod died this summer after 6 years of loyal service. I've missed it. I've also realized that from here on out, until the girls leave home, I'm not going to be at home NEARLY as often as I'd like to be. Since I've been working on SEUSSICAL stuff (opening November 4th! See me for ticket info!!) there have been MULTIPLE times on MULTIPLE days where I've needed to access my email, a website, my back account, a bill, etc and I won't be able to access a computer for a few hours. If I had a smartphone I could do all this.

Yeah, this is TOTALLY a first world problem, I know. But you know what?? I don't care. I live in the 21st century. I'm GLAD I don't have to wait six months for a letter to arrive just so I can hear news from my family. I'm glad that I don't have to measure my words carefully so I can send the cheapest telegram possible. I'm glad I don't have to wait until after 9 pm to call some long distance number at a good rate.

I don't get people who moan and groan about technology and how it isolates us and how life would be some much better if we were without instant access and earbuds and no one ever talks anymore. I'm pretty sure those people are just boring and no one wants to listen to them anyway!

Peace out, hombres.

Freedom

Wanna know what's awesome??
Doing something you really, REALLY want to do.

Wanna know what's not awesome?
Doing something only because it's expected of you.

I didn't realize it 10 months ago, but this has been destined to be the year of me stretching my wings in a way *I* want to rather than doing the same old, same old out of a sense of obligation.

OHMYGOSH It feels SO good. This isn't to say I haven't had challenges or struggles, because I have. The point is that the challenges are making me a happier, BETTER person instead of a resentful, bitter person.

In other news, Seussical Jr opens in three weeks (*cue screams*), I think I might have developed adult-onset allergies (BOOOO!!) and the air finally smelled like Fall tonight.

Things That Make Me LOL

1. I love Late Night WIth Jimmy Fallon. I love Simon and Garfunkel. I *heart* Black Simon and Garfunkel.



2. More Jimmy Fallom. This is ten years old and it still makes me roll.

12:30 Am Lightbulb Moment

Parenting teenagers is almost like living your teenage years all over again. It's just as painful and awkward and tear-filled and fun and life-changing, but in a different way.

Yes/No?

Also, what difference does it make (if any) that I am a fairly young-ish (buy modern, western-culture standards) mother of teens? My teenage years still seem just like yesterday (even as I celebrated my 15 wedding anniversary today, hard as it is to believe that it's been 15 years). Does that make me more sympathetic to the teenage plight or more naive and inexperienced because I personally have experienced less of life?

Someone I admire once told me that the best you could hope for when it comes to your children is that they grow into adults that you yourself would want to be close friends with even if they weren't related to you. I think that's a pretty good philosophy. So far my teens are people I'd want to hang around with even if they weren't related to me. It's a start.

On the other hand, things still have time to go arse-over-kettle, my DNA may win out over my more logical self and I may driven to an unhealthy relationship with the bottle. And probably not a bottle of Dr. Pepper, if-you-know-what-I-mean-and-I-think-you-do!

But, as I explained to Jaws today, I am not a naturally negative person. (I'm an anxious person, and yes there is a difference.) So I am confident that my teens and I will make it through the next few years just fine, just as we did the first decade or so of their lives.

...In Which I Ruminate on Things

Today I learned that my mom was also once addicted to TMZ. Learning this fact made me love her even more. Learning that she was embarrassed by this fact made me want to blog about it! Hah.

When we arrived in Tifton this morning, there was no French Toast waiting for us. There was a pseudo-hashbrown casserole and cinnamon rolls, but no French Toast. Cinnamon Rolls are great, especially homemade ones. But they don't hold a candle to French Toast.

Are you noticing my blog is becoming less and less about anything and more and more about whatever-is-on-my-mind at the moment? Yeah, me too. Every once in awhile I wish I had something exciting to announce (vacations, new babies, new jobs, a scientific discovery that will end poverty and simultaneously make me uber-wealty, etc) but I don't. I just write about my life, which isn't terribly exciting. It's my life, though, so sorry folks if it's not more interesting.

This week at preschool I was told that my "face [is] very scary right now" (it was- it was my angry face, and the child agreed with me that he didn't want to make me angry and see it again.) I was also told I was "too fat to sit in [my] rocking chair". As I was sitting in said rocking chair at the time, I disagreed with the little stinker. He still looked sceptical.

Oh! I just thought of an exciting annoucement! Almost one month into the school year and I have yet to be vomitted on! HOORAY!!!

On that note, I think I'll log off. It's almost time for the Emmys, and I'm hoping that Friday Night Lights FINALLY FINALLY gets some love.

Crazy...But That's How It Goes

Things I Have Been Thinking About Lately:

Power Naps...Lulu...How to avoid strangling a drama parent before Seussical is over...Joseph Smith's plural wives...Cooler weather...Why Ginger Ale is an amazing cure-all...Is it time to cut back on my depression/anxiety meds?...Probably not...Creative ways to teach four year olds...Cooking...Reading more...Eating better...keeping the romantic spark alive...IKEA...Medium rare steaks...Being the mother of teenagers...Trying not to be Judgey McJudgerson and failing miserably...My feelings about the LDS church versus the Gospel of Jesus Christ...waxing my legs and armpits instead of shaving...What I know at 34 versus what I knew at 24...The lemons on my neighbor's tree that are almost ripe...Jed graduating from high school...he was our "first child", you know...Finally buying a Digital SLR camera

I haHad A Witty Title Planned But I Forgot It.

1. Hey look- school started!



Two middle schoolers. 6th and 7th grades. *sigh* School started for me, too. But no one took my picture on the first day. (Actually, a lot of my parents did, but no one has sent me those pictures so you are out of luck.)

This is my 5th year at Covenant, 9th altogether. I have decided that I have worked long enough in this field that I have a CAREER as a preschool teacher. Makes it sound more interesting at least. I hgave 16 kids this year, which is more than the 9 we had last year. (Because I have a CAREER as a preschool teacher I know that 16 is WAY A LOT MORE than 9.) New challenges, to be sure.

2. Is it weird that Lulu LOVES ice as a treat? If so, don't tell me. Ice is cheaper than Milk Bones, Beggin' Strips or Denta Stix.


3. Over the summer, I developed a guilty, GUILTY pleasure. Two actually.

UNO:


The TMZ television show is AWESOME. It's funny and snarky and everything Entertainment Tonight wishes it could be. I feel guilty for loving this show as much as I do. Wait, no I don't. It makes me laugh, so there.

DOS:


I am seriously addicted to this show! Animal Cops: Houston is the bomb. The other Animal Cops permiations (Phoenix, Detroit, Miami, Philadelphia) don't even compare.



This is Jim Boller. He used to be the Senior Investigator for the Houston SPCA. I like to think of him as my reality TV boyfriend. Why am I so attracted to this man? I don't even like moustaches!

3. The girls are doing a fall community show through their old elementary school. James is still on sets while somehow I got roped into being on the executive committee??!?!? I am hoping this translates into me being all-powerful and getting a name badge.



4. I can't think of a fourth right now. I'll get back to you on that.

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

WOO-HOO!!!

Since my mailbox wasn't overflowing with presents, feel free to tell me in the comments how awesome I am and all the ways you love me!

'Twas the Night Before the Night Before School Started...

The girls had open house at their school last night. We were SUPER LUCKY that a torrential downpour started just minutes before the start of said open house, so we met the new teachers with mascara running down our faces, clothes throughly soaked and hair that was literally dripping.

On the bright side, we weren't sweaty!

I think we are going to have a great year (she said optimistically). Middle School is old hat to Madeline, and Isabella seems to be taking everything in stride. Her teachers were the great unknown, but we've heard glowing third-party reports from people we trust.

Two middle schoolers. TWO! I can hardly believe it.

My class roster arrived on Monday, and I have sixteen little darlings this year. That's a big jump from the nine I had last year! I've been switching to a bigger classroom over the past few weeks, and I finally got around to working on some nitty-gritty stuff today. All of the kids but two were at our preschool last year, so I'm hoping for a smoothe transition to my class.

Have I mentioned that we are doing a fall production of Seussical Jr.? Because we are! The director is the same one we've been working with for the past few years. The fall show is open to kids up to age 15, so even though the girls are no longer Twin Oaks students, they can still be in the play! YAY!! Auditions are this Saturday. James will be building sets again, and somehow I ended up on the Executive Committee in charge of Communication. I'm still not sure how that happened! We've never done a fall show before, so there will be a LOT of adjusting around here the next few weeks as we get back into a school routine AND a show routine!

I see lots of sleep deprivation in our future.

They say all good things must end, someday...

For all intents and purposes, summer vacation is over. *sad face*

The girls came home today after being in Tifton for almost two weeks. I'm pretty sure they were gone more than they were here this summer. We checked the mail and found postcards from the school with their teacher assignments on it. If that's not a sign that summer is over, then I don't know what is.

Technically school doesn't start for them until the 12th, but there's already a shift in the winds. Earlier bedtimes (for me especially!), sorting of school supplies, back-to-school haircuts and picking out back-to-school clothes; all rituals that tell you that the long lazy days are over.

I'm pretty sure this is the fastest summer on record. It was busy, but not in a really-great-we-had-so-much-fun way. We've had TWO car accidents to contend with (did I forget to mention here that a window in my van was broken the same week James wrecked his car?), which meant a lot of hurry-up-and-wait-ing all summer long. We purchased two vehicles to replace James' car (it's a long story). It seems ridiculous that we now own four vehicles for two drivers. (Two and a half of those vehicles work, but that's another long story.) People keep telling me that having four cars around is a good thing because Madeline will be driving in just three years.

Three years?!!??

It seems like a long way off *now*, but if this summer is any indication on the passage of time, then it will be here before I know it.

P.S.- Could this post HAVE anymore parenthesis?? I think not.

Anxiety in a Nutshell

Tonight is the premiere of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. I love Harry Potter- the books, the movies, the websites, all of it. My family also love Harry Potter. It's something we share and has created a lifetime of memories for us. For the first time, we have tickets to see a HP premiere at midnight. We are SUPER DOOPER EXCITED!!!

However, I am also scared out of mind.

The crowds, will we get good seats, will I be able to stay awake, what happens if our car is broken into in the theatre parking lot, will the bathrooms run out of toilet paper, do I have enough time to help the girls get their costumes together AND go grocery shopping, will I be able to sit through the Deathly Hallows 1 and Deathly Hallows 2 double feature, maybe I should just stay home and go see it later when the crowds are smaller.

This is what it's like to have General Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

Worrying CONTINUOUSLY about something you are both looking forward to and dreading more than anything in the world. It makes no sense, isn't logical, is a pain in the arse and you know this, but there absolutely nothing you can do about it but breathe deeply (over and over), pray, meditate, take your medicine, and refuse to deny yourself a fun and meaningful experience with your family.

The Things We Do

I'm sitting at the library using a public computer because Bella wants to go to the Anime/Manga program starting in a little bit. The lady two seats down can't hear that her phone with the world's most annoying ringtone has been ringing for a solid minute because she has headphones on. I'm still trying to get past a migraine that hit me with a vengeance yesterday afternoon. Madeline wants to make a robe for the Harry Potter premiere on Friday and begged me to take her to Hobby Lobby to buy some black fabric. I'm just as interested to see how this project turns out because 1) I don't sew and 2) she doesn't have a pattern. She's ambitious and confident, though. More power to her.

So while I'd like to be home in a semi-dark room with a hot rice bag over my eyes, instead I'm being a mom.

GAH! The cell phone just went off AGAIN. I may commit murder and plead temporary insanity and show the judge this blog post as proof of the duress I was under.

I *Heart* My Family

Everyone minus Mallory

Yesterday, my entire family was together for the first time since May 2010. Oh, we've almost all been together a few times since then, but usually one or two people were missing.

I love my family, but I don't feel the need to celebrate Every.Single.Life.Event with them. I don't like being around a large group of people socially for an extended amount of time. It's a flaw, I know, but that's just how I roll. But at any rate, we were all together yesterday for MASSIVE FIREWORKS.

We are a loud bunch. I mean REALLY loud. You'd think all of us were deaf, and not just Dad, Jaws and Mom. But how can you complain with half of the shreiks are because small children are being happily entertained by Uncle Matthew pretending to eat their ribs? Only a monster would be annoyed by that. ;)

In addition to the family being there, there were at least five people who I didn't know. That's the way it is at the compound; someone is always inviting a friend along for the fun. And in this case, an invited friend invited someone else to come along, too! My parents just roll with it, though. (Me? I prefer to have a person's complete dossier before they come through the door. How have I ever made any friends? It boggles the mind.)

In addition to being loud and way too friendly, we also like to eat. Yesterday it was a variety of random but tasty foods. Evidently Mom was cooking French Toast for the masses today. My mom's French Toast is TO DIE FOR. If I was ever about to be executed (for a crime I didn't commit, naturally) I'd probably request that French Toast as my last meal. Along with some Zaxby's, a good salad and a chocolate chip cheesecake. Just in case you were wondering!

Being around my family can be exhausting, but they are pretty awesome.

And I Am Telling Yooooooouuuuu.....

....I'm not ready for it to be July. No no no noooooo.....

I think I would really like some spaghetti for dinner tonight. With meatballs. But i think I might be too lazy to make it. I know, I know: how hard is it? Boil water, cook pasta, heat jar of Prego with frozen meatballs. Woe is me and my first world problems.

Tomorrow Jaws and I are headed over to Tifton to party like it's 1999. Actually, we're pikcing up the girls and the dog, grilling out and shooting off a massive amount of fireworks. Woo-hoo! If you hear of crazy wildfires in south Georgia, you'll know why. Given that a whole generation of grandchildren were almost wiped out the *last* time we did massive fireworks, it should be a good time.

All this introspective navel-gazing is making my head hurt.

The other day I told someone I was going to be 33 this year. I was wrong. I'm going to be 34. That, in turn, made Jaws upset because *he* thought he was going to be 37 this year. He's not. He's going to be 38. As in, two years from the dreaded 4-0. Poor guy.

Our 15th anniversary is this year, too. Crazy. As in 15 years we've been making each other crazy as well as being crazy in love.

Today I realized that I am not cute. I have never been cute. I will never be cute. Classic? Sure. Comfortable? Yes. But cute? No. I won't be cute. My house won't be cute. Cute is beyond my reach. And another dream bites the dust. (Not really. Well, kind of. I mean, I wouldn't mind having a cute house. But that would probably mean worrying about having curtains and decent furniture instead of making sure I have adequate bookshelf space.) I think the best I can hope for is neat. That's not too bad, I guess.

I have to start thinking about dinner now. Jaws complained that there was never any FOOD for him last summer. This summer, I have really made an effort to make sure there is FOOD for him, as opposed to munchies the girls and I would be happy to live off of from June till August. Tonight we are having BIG SALADS. I have lots of fresh veggies, and there will also be bacon, cheese and croutons. Tasty. I am making dessert, too. Strawberries and blueberries mixed with Honey Greek yogurt topped with crunbled shortbread cookies.

It will all be tasty, but not cute.

Life With Tweens

I love my girls. They are truly awesome. If I could have hand-picked my children I would have picked them.

Our relationship is changing. Madeline is less than three months away from turning 13. Isabella will be 12 on her next birthday. They are closer to being adults than they are to being babies. I see them stretching their wings, finding their own way, making their own choices. And I'm happy for them. I really am.

I've always tried to be aware and appreciate whatever age they happened to be at, so I don't wish that the time hasn't passed as quickly as it has. I just want them to be ready to face what's ahead of them. I'm proud of the way they seem to be walking the narrow bridge between childhood and the teen years; not too fast, not too slow, and with confidence and determination.

I see more of THEM and less of me and their father. Sometimes when I see "us" in "them" it makes me sad and frustrated, because it's not the qualities I wanted to pass on. (A little more determination and a little less stubborness would have been nice.) Mostly I feel happy, because they are MY PEOPLE, and they always will be. But they are their own people too, and that's a good thing.

Good Bye, I'm Moving to the BIG CITY

I was doing great, keeping calm and carrying on and all, when on Saturday our lawn guy put a rock through my van window. Did you know that auto insurance is not like medical insurance, in that once you meet your deductible you are good for a year?? No, with auto insurance you have to meet the deductible EACH AND EVERY INCIDENT!!

Luckily, I know a glass guy. A benefit of small town living- I have a personal glass guy! I called him up and told him my sob story, and he told me that he would order my glass and have it installed by Tuesday, and $50 cheaper than the insurance company recommended where we would get a "discount".

So now I have new glass, and we have also settled with the insurance company on James' car. All that's left is to find him some new wheels. And if we have any more car trouble this summer the title of my post will absolutely true.

In other news, we hosted a birthday party at our house last night, and it was a rousing success. In sadder news, now that all of these people have been to our house they will move, because that's what ALWAYS happens when we make friends. Sorry, Albany.

In other other news, I'm making Sloppy Joes for dinner. They will be tasty, because I'm *pretty* sure I make the very best Sloppy Joes ever.

Keeping Calm and Carrying On

If you know me well, then you know this has been my motto for about two years now. This was truly a week for me to KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. James got into a minor fender bender on Monday. Fortunately he wasn't hurt. Unfortunately it wasn't minor enough, because the insurance company has decided to total it out. :/

I hate dealing with car issues. It's just SUCH A PAIN. It causes me a lot of anxiety and stress, simply because we depend on our vehicles so much. But short of moving somewhere where I can rely strictly on public transportation, there's really nothing I can do about it.

So I'm keeping calm and carrying on. Yay, me!

In other news, Lulu finally got all her lady bits removed this week. This makes me very happy. I may not do a lot of things right, but I spay and neuter my pets, by golly! Bob Barker would be so proud. She's recovering nicely from the surgery. She's been a bit mellow (but wouldn't you if you just had your belly cut open?).

After I picked her up from the vet I dropped her off at the groomer's for her first haircut. She looks so naked now! I had to laugh when the groomer brought her out, though, because she had bows on her ears and a bandana around her neck. Her BFF Lexi was waiting for her when she got home. (Lexi's mom is at Girls Camp with Madeline, and her dad was out of town for work.) These two pups play so good together! Lexi had to immediatly investigate Lulu's scar, and they even tried to share Lexi's crate last night. Awww....

Madeline comes home from camp tomorrow. I hope she had a great experience. I personally didn't "do" Girls Camp except as an adult, and only then because I had to. ;) Bella can hardly wait to go next year. I'm glad she's excited!

The Mom Prayer

As I send my baby off to Girls Camp today, I keep thinking of something that Tina Fey wrote in her HILARIOUS, AMAZING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING BOOK Bossypants. (Be warned, there is a bit of salty language, but even my own mother has used salty language in times of deep, deep distress.)

The Mother’s Prayer for Its Daughter

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

Tina Fey, Bossypants, 2011

Suuuuuuummmeerrrrrrtiiiiiiiiiimmmeee.......

(Imagine me singing that in my best Lena Horne voice. Sounds, amazing, doesn't it?)

--- The girls have been out of school one whole week and we are in FULL-ON summer mode. Lazy mornings, good books, cold drinks, late dinners, getting in some body of water as often as possible. I feel bad that Jaws has to go to work. Oh well. Someone has to bring home the bacon (although I will happily fry it up in the pan. It's BLT weather, baby!).

--- Speaking of babies, Madeline is headed to Girls Camp next week for the first time. GIRLS CAMP PEOPLE!! I feel old. My other baby brought down the house and slammed the door on Fifth grade by bringing home STRAIGHT A's on her final report card. BOO-to-the-YAH. After all the struggles we've had this year I feel gloriously vindicated.

--- I just looked at the temp on Weather Bug. It's 101 degrees today. On June 1st. Breaking records all over the place. Luckily the humidity is only 28%, making it feel like "only" 104 degrees. I shudder to think of what the weather will feel like on Friday when it's supposed to be hotter and humid-er. (Or MORE HUMID for you grammar nuts.)

--- My brother and his family are moving to Alabama this weekend. Boo! Why does he need a "career"? I need my nieces and nephews around to amuse me!! Luckily, I like the state of Alabama, redneck-married-cousinss-jokes aside. It's a pretty state, it's not landlocked, and you can buy fireworks year round.

--- I have read nine books since school ended for me on the 13th. Deeply, deeply satisfying. I love reading. It's so entertaining! I have also cleaned out my pantry, closet, playroom and dresser drawers. Also satisfying, but not nearly as entertaining. (Although re-reading notebooks and journals from high school is ALWAYS entertaining. I had forgotten how much bad poetry I wrote at one point. Did I throw it away? No way, Jose!)

I think I'll go eat some watermelon before I take the girls to church tonight. Then I might eat some ice cream. Because it's summer and all.