Ever notice...

You know the little "About Me" thing that's on the sidebar of most blogs? Ever notice how most people write about their family and mention their "beautiful children"? (Yeah, I'm guilty of it, too.)

Just once I'd like to see something along the lines of

"Married 11 years, mother of three kids that are kind of homely, but we love them anyway. What did you expect when my DNA mixed with Bubba's? It's not like we're Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt up in here!"

That would be kind of a refreshing honesty, wouldn't it??

First Day of School 2010

School started for the girlies on August 13th. I'll come right out and say it- I'd been dreading the since the first day of school LAST year. Madeline started middle school this year, which also meant getting a new bus. In Lee Co, Pre-K through 5th grade students ride one bus and the middle school and high school kids ride a different bus. Talk about nerve wracking for *me*! Of course, Madeline has handled it fine, and Isabella is thrilled to finally be the oldest on her bus. I won't lie- I'll be so happy when they are back together next year.

We've settled into the school year nicely after a bit of a rocky start (adjusting to randomly wierd middle school rules and schedules), but of course the real test begins next Monday, when preschool starts for me.

Confuzzled

Ever feel that way? Confuzzled? That's how I've felt this week. It's a mixture of confused and puzzled (which are two entirely different things, BTW.)

My brain has felt foggy and my body is tired. Yesterday I thought things were getting back to normal (re-adjusting to the school schedule, etc) bu this morning it was just as bad as it had been on Tuesday. (When it was *really* bad.)

I know part of the reason is the chaos that is my house. If you know me, then you know my love of all things organization. Things in my house are (usually) organized. It might not be picture perfect clean, but there is a place for everything and we try to keep everything in its place.

Not so much this week. Or last week, for that matter. Add into the chaotic mess the need for the doing of laundry regularly, meals (of some sort) some sort every night, lunches made for school the next day, and all the things that come with going to school and I CANNOT tell you how much I'd rather just MOVE than deal with the chaos in my living room. And bedrooms. And the playroom/girls' dressing room/preschool supply room. And kitchen. And the pantry/laundry room. (Oh man. The HORROR that is the pantry/laundry room.)

The other reason is the chaos in my mind. Sometimes I wish I could just skip straight from the end of July to the middle of September.

- It's too hot.

- There are so many things that have to be done to go back to school (I've had to make FOUR trips for back-to-school supplies because the middle school teachers keep adding things to the list. There was a reason I tried to get all this shopping done back in July, you know??)

- And it's not just the girls that go back to school, it's me, too. I have stuff - LOTS OF STUFF - that I have to do to prepare for the newest batch of little darlings.

- Then let's talk about the outflow of $$$ during this time of year. Or not. The worst of it is that I don't get paid until the middle of September.

- The birthdays I have to worry about. Okay, so I only really worry about one- Madeline's. I feel like she ALWAYS gets the birthday shaft because there is no "extra" money. Since she turns 12 this year, she gets a birthday party. A real party. With people. People who aren't just family. Oy vey. The anxiety this causes me!

- And speaking of anxiety, I had a meeting with my mental health doc yesterday, and I finally had to accept the fact that I will probably be dealing with this for the rest of my life and medication will probably be the key to me living a healthy and productive life. He even made the diabetes analogy, which I've made myself countless times (to other people). And I mean, I knew it. I really did. And I know the anxiety triggers. And I know it could be worse. A lot worse. But this is my cross to bear, and the fact that it could be worse doesn't make it any less scary/damaging/stressful/etc.

You know The Serenity Paryer?? It's kind of my mantra these days, except I have my own version that goes something like this:

Jennifer:

Put on your big girl panties,
pour yourself a cold Dr. Pepper
and make better the things you can
and don't worry about the rest.

If you find you can't stop
worrying about the rest,
take some deep breaths
and a Xanax.

Like any good zombie, I'm on the hunt for BRAINS...

I used to be smart.

I swear I did. I mean, I used to *know* *stuff*. I could think a coherent thought and communicate effectively. I was on the Brain Brawl team in high school! (Not that that really counts for anything. My friend Sarah's dad was one of the sponsor's. They needed a team, and Sarah's dad said if we joined he'd buy us lunch after every match. So it was me, Sarah and two other friends. We only did okay. But we got to be on the local public television station in the wee hours of Saturday morning! Oh yeah.)

These days, I don't feel very smart anymore. Part of it is the whole "Mommy Brain" thing. I manage the schedules of three other people who live in this house, in addition to my own, and I think keeping up with all that info has pushed out all of those long passages of Shakespeare I used to be able to quote from memory.

Another part of it is that I spend ten months of the year trying to think like a four year old as I plan out lessons and activities for my preschool class. Sure, I can come up with a *minimum* of 15 verses for "The Wheels on the Bus", but for the life of me I can't remember ANYTHING about algebra (which is a problem now that both girls are doing Pre-Algebra/Algebra stuff in school).

My brain feels foggy a lot of the time. Sometimes it's because I'm tired. Sometimes it's because I'm overwhelmed mentally and/or emotionally. I think a lot of it has to do with my anxiety medication because it DIRECTLY effects (affects? No, effects. See I used to know this no problem!) the way my brain is working. It's been especially bad today. Luckily I'm not really responsible for anything more taxing than making some pasta salads.

Crap. The whole effect/affect thing was bugging me so much I had to go look it up. I WAS WRONG. It's affect. The stupid medicine is affecting my brain. GAH.

I suppose it could be worse. Even though I *feel* stupid, I know I am not *actually* stupid. And the four year olds often think I'm a genious, so that's something. And maybe someday my anxiety will be in check again, and I can give up the foggy brain medicine. In the meantime, I'll keep trying to remember all the things I've forgotten.

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

1. As much as I tried to avoid it, schools starts on Friday for the girls. It starts on Monday for me. Jaws, not being affliated with school in any way, has had no break and has been going to work on a regular basis for awhile now.

2. Last Saturday we (meaning me and the girls) drove Mom down to Tallahassee for an almost all day seminary training meeting. We decided to do some final back-to-school shopping. Our first shopping trip was when we were down in Jacksonville last month. It's exciting to go shopping in the big city, doncha know? I'm thinking about making this kind of trip a tradition. Something to look foward to to shake off the End-of-Summer blues.

3. I am so sick of mowing our lawn. Jaws is too. This school year I use my school money to buy a Dyson vaccuum and a riding lawn mower, come hell or high water.

4. Last week Madeline got Stage Two braces put on. Poor thing. More hardware this time, for a longer period of time (two years). If I don't buy a Dyson it's because of these braces.

5. Bella will most likely go into Stage Two braces in November-ish. If I don't buy a riding mower it's because of these braces.

6. I've discovered a new Pet Peeve. I hate it when people complain about where they live. Let me repeat that. I HATE IT. Maybe it's because I grew up in a military family, but I was always taught that home should be wherever you are and to make it as joyful an experience as possible, because it does no good to complain about it.

If you don't like where you live, MOVE. If you can't move, find the good in the situation and learn to be happy about it. If you can't find the good and be happy, then SHUT UP, because no one -NO ONE- wants to hear you complain about how terrible Podunk City is, especially the people who choose to be happy living there.

I'm sure this opinion offends many people, but frankly I don't care. I am sick and tired of the complaining. It's fine if you think somewhere else is better than wherever you are. I think there are LOTS of places better than where I am! But it's not fine (with me, anyway) to constantly whine and moan about it. For Pete's sake, GROW UP.

7. Wow. Maybe that PMS medicine isn't working as well as I thought. On the other hand, maybe it is, as I haven't actually voiced this opinion to anyone in particular, to their face. And I probably won't. Probably.

8. My mom made me laugh - out loud - TWICE last week. It's not that she's not a funny person, because she is. But her humor is more of the subtle type. It's ninja humor. So the fact that I LOLed is noteworthy.

9. My birthday is on Sunday. Email me for gift ideas, although cash is always welcomed.

10. What do you think of my new art project?? Feedback to make it better always welcome!





The piece in the middle is a print from Urban Outfitters that says "Home Is Where You Are", and I've surrounded it with favorites pics of the fam. I plan on adding to it.