Schmoopy, schmoopy

Fourteen years and counting...

Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me

I recognize that my life is pretty good.

My clothes are clean.
It's 92* outside at the end of September, but I have A/C to keep my (somewhat) cool.
I've eaten three meals plus snacks today.
I have two working cars to drive.
My husband has a great job.
My children are healthy,
My cats are neutered so I don't have to worry about unwanted pets.
I have libraries and the internet to keep me entertained for hours.


But some days my inner critic just won't shut up, and all I can think about is the mistakes I've made and the anxiety I feel, and that inner critic won't stop yelling, "Hey Jennifer!!! You SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!" Today is one of those days. I feel like cussing. (But I won't because my mom reads this blog. And it would just give the inner critic more ammunition.)

It needs to rain. And get colder. Is 33 too early to have a mid-life crisis??

Monday Ain't So Bad

As I was driving home from school today, I realized that unlike most of the industrialized world, I really don't hate Mondays. Sure, I wasn't too keen on getting out of bed this morning, but I pretty much feel that way every morning. I realized that Monday is pretty much the only day of the week guranteed NOT to have any plans other than work and school. Once we all get home, we don't have to leave again unless we want to. And usually we don't want to! So YAY Monday.

I'd also been looking forward to this Monday for awhile now. Once this Monday arrived I knew I would be:

*** past the hardest weeks of preschool

*** done with Madeline's birthday celebrations

*** happy to have received my first paycheck since May

*** looking for cooler weather sooner rather than later

So when I woke up this morning it really was like a breath of fresh air (figuratively speaking, because someone somewhere near our neighborhood had done some major burning yesterday and the air was still smoky this morning).

Speaking of Madeline. Bless her heart. She really is closer to being a teenager than she is to being a kid. She came home from school today, and as she got out her homework she told me all the things that went wrong. Her brand new makeup compact broke, the button on her new Vera Bradley tote fell off, her hair kept coming undone, etc. I gave her a hug and a pep talk and went on about my business in the kitchen. A few minutes later I walked through the living room and found her fast asleep in the chair.



Poor baby! Middle School is HARD!!

What I would say if this was being written snail mail style

Dear Mamacita and Papa-san,

It's been too long since you heard from me, blah blah blah fishcakes. Feel free we're all still alive and kicking (except I'm not really kicking that much because on Labor Day I fell in a hole in the backyard and twisted my bum ankle but good. It still hurts, btw).

You'll be happy to know I'm cooking more, so Jaws is complaining less about me not cooking. The new Publix has opened up and it's like a dream in there, except I spend a lot of time wandering around trying to find everything since the layout is completely different from the old Publix. Is it wrong that I am SO EXCITED about the new Publix? Because it is, I don't want to be right.

Can you believe Madeline is 12 now?? We had a low-key lunch on Sunday (cheese toasties and chocolate chip cheesecake by her request). Her "real" party is this Friday night, when friends are coming over for dinner and a sleepover. I bribed her into having a smaller party. I offered her the cash we would have spent on a HUGE-ish party along with a smaller party. She thought about it for about five seconds and said she'd take the small party and the $$$. Smart girl. I hope she's this sensible when it comes time for a wedding.

Isabella is doing guitar lesson through the school like Madeline did last year. She's been feeling very overwhelmed with 5th grade, and frankly so have I. But we're only a month into school, so I'm sure we'll be on track soon. I hope.

Preschool is a hoot this year. Smaller class (only 9 five days a week, and 5 three days a week) which is great, but with the exception of two, they all *just* turned four. To say that this is a young class is an understatement. I have a feeling that it will feel like an uphill struggle all year, then in the spring it will fee l like a great accomplishment when we look back and see how far they've come.

No eggs from the chickens yet. Sometimes I walk out to the chicken condo and yell, "LAY, DAMN YOU!!" I'm sure it helps.

Lately I've realized that I am much happy when I have something special to look forward to. Last year it was the U2 concert. Sadly, there is nothing that awesome to look forward to on the horizon. Must rectify the situation.

How are things on the homestead? Have your hemorrhoids cleared up yet? What about Pa's prostate and goiter?? You should make a trip over soon. We miss seeing your faces. (Although I can do without the pics of the hemorrhoids.)

Love to you all.