TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

WOO-HOO!!!

Since my mailbox wasn't overflowing with presents, feel free to tell me in the comments how awesome I am and all the ways you love me!

All this introspective navel-gazing is making my head hurt.

The other day I told someone I was going to be 33 this year. I was wrong. I'm going to be 34. That, in turn, made Jaws upset because *he* thought he was going to be 37 this year. He's not. He's going to be 38. As in, two years from the dreaded 4-0. Poor guy.

Our 15th anniversary is this year, too. Crazy. As in 15 years we've been making each other crazy as well as being crazy in love.

Today I realized that I am not cute. I have never been cute. I will never be cute. Classic? Sure. Comfortable? Yes. But cute? No. I won't be cute. My house won't be cute. Cute is beyond my reach. And another dream bites the dust. (Not really. Well, kind of. I mean, I wouldn't mind having a cute house. But that would probably mean worrying about having curtains and decent furniture instead of making sure I have adequate bookshelf space.) I think the best I can hope for is neat. That's not too bad, I guess.

I have to start thinking about dinner now. Jaws complained that there was never any FOOD for him last summer. This summer, I have really made an effort to make sure there is FOOD for him, as opposed to munchies the girls and I would be happy to live off of from June till August. Tonight we are having BIG SALADS. I have lots of fresh veggies, and there will also be bacon, cheese and croutons. Tasty. I am making dessert, too. Strawberries and blueberries mixed with Honey Greek yogurt topped with crunbled shortbread cookies.

It will all be tasty, but not cute.

Decompressing

That pretty much sums up my state right now. I'm decompressing. It's something I have to do before I can move on to the next thing, whatever that might be. Summer is rapidly approaching (although you'd never know it by the weather for the past four days- lows in the 40's and highs in the 70's! In south Georgia! In the middle of May!), but before I can fully enjoy it, I have to process this school year.

I will admit it- this was not my personal best year teaching. It was challenging, and I learned a lot (about myself, about balance, about how to be a better teacher, what mistakes I don't want to make again) but it was flat-out draining. So I have to let it go so I can have a good summer and recharge my batteries for next year. I do a lot of deep breathing and meditation. It's one of the many coping mechanisms I've learned over the years in dealing with my anxieties. It's a way to "let go", which I think is pretty vital in for a healthy mental state.

We have all of these blow-up Letter People that we use in my classroom. There are 26 of the suckers, and the air has to be let out of all of them so they can be packed away for the summer, or else the pressure of the air will cause the seems to burst. It's really hard, as you have to simultaneously squeeze the air valve while pushing on the Letter Person to squeeze out all of the air. But that's what it's like for me when I have to decompress. It's hard work, but if I don't do it I know I'll burst.

Here's to not bursting for the next 2 1/2 months.

Third Person Thursday

Back in December she won a raffle for a handmade quilt.

She emailed the quilt maker with some colors that she liked and told the quilter to surprise her with the end result. Every few weeks the quilter would send an email updating her on the progress, until last week the quilter told her it was in the mail.

When she opened the package, her breath was taken away. The quilt was gorgeous. The colors were perfect. The size was perfect for snuggling up in on a rainy (or not so rainy) day. The thickness and weight were exactly what she wanted. If she had been there in person, picking out fabrics and laying out the pattern, it could not have been more perfect. (In fact, it probably would have been worse as she tends to get overwhelmed with color choices and design schemes and so forth.)

It reminded her of another perfect quilt that is no longer with her. That quilt was made by her grandmother. It was a crazy patchwork, with no rhyme or reason to the color or fabric selection. It was on her bed from the time she was 13 until the time it was lost in a move at the age of 22. She wept over the loss of that quilt. She knows it seems silly, crying over a quilt, especially one that was starting to get worn and threadbare with use. But she doesn't care. In the eleven years since it went missing, no other blanket has ever felt as good as that quilt did.

She knows that quilts are often used as metaphors when people are speaking of feeling the Holy Spirit at work in your life; warm, enveloping, conforting. It's a good metaphor, she thinks. The arrival of this new perfect quilt just happened to coincide with some crazy deep soul searching she had been doing. She thinks she'll spend some time wrapped up in love, just as she did so many years before.

Running on Empty

Last night I ran away from home. I didn't run that far, only into town to a local coffee shop for some hot chocolate. It had been a long week and I was tired and worn out and feeling unloved and underappreciated. I parked in the movie theatre parking lot because it was well lit and there were people around, so if I got car-jacked maybe someone would notice. I called my oldest friend in the world and cried, but then she made me laugh and I love her for that. So I decided to come home and get some much-needed sleep.

Confession is good for the soul

Blah, blah, blah, tell me if you've heard this before- my library basket is overflowing and so is my nightstand. So many books, so little time!! Anyway, I rearranged some bookshelves the other day with the idea of clearing out a shelf to put all the books I've bought but haven't read yet. As I started loading the shelf, I quickly realized it was going to take more than one bookshelf to hold all of the BIBBHRY.

Let's put it this way- I stopped counting at 30 books.

*is ashamed*
*not really*

So that's my confession for the day. I buy too many books. (Although, in my defense, these books have been bought over the course of several years. On second thought, I don't think that's a very good defense.)

Now it's your turn: CONFESS YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST SECRET!!! It'll be fun!!!!

My Fate is in Your Hands

I know, Sweeties, you've missed my blogging. What can I say? I'm a busy woman. It's a busy time of year for me. I've been helping Jaws recover from Gallbladder Surgery/Hernia repair. The chicknes still won't lay any eggs. The girls have lives seperate from mine. (The horror!!!) The days just blend from one to another and before you know it, a month has gone by.

But here I am to make it up to you! My mother is convinced that my BIG BREAK (into what, I don't know) is just a few blog posts away. Awww...it's nice when someone irrationally believes in your talent! I realize if I don't blog the moolah will never start rolling in. The conundrum that is my life! *sigh*

Anyway. So what would you like me to blog about?

My favorite cookbooks?
Why I think the grid system in Utah is overrated?
My signature fragrance?
My first roommate?
Why mushrooms are gross?
My Desert Island CD/Book/Movie/Etc collection?
The best medications I've ever taken??

THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER, PEOPLE!!! MAKE YOUR VOICES HEARD!!!!

Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me

I recognize that my life is pretty good.

My clothes are clean.
It's 92* outside at the end of September, but I have A/C to keep my (somewhat) cool.
I've eaten three meals plus snacks today.
I have two working cars to drive.
My husband has a great job.
My children are healthy,
My cats are neutered so I don't have to worry about unwanted pets.
I have libraries and the internet to keep me entertained for hours.


But some days my inner critic just won't shut up, and all I can think about is the mistakes I've made and the anxiety I feel, and that inner critic won't stop yelling, "Hey Jennifer!!! You SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!" Today is one of those days. I feel like cussing. (But I won't because my mom reads this blog. And it would just give the inner critic more ammunition.)

It needs to rain. And get colder. Is 33 too early to have a mid-life crisis??

Q and Eh?

Hey man! What's up?

Hey yourself. Not much. Just livin' life, ya know?

No, that's not what I mean. What's up with you? Why aren't you blogging this summer? Did I do something to offend you?

Of course not! It's not you, it's me.

That's what they all say.
No, really. It *is* me. You know how it is in the summertime. The days are lazy and soothingly repetitive. How many time do you really want to read about my taking the girls to the pool and how dark my tan is getting?

Well...

And think about it- if you have to get up for a job/small child/weak bladder, do you really want to hear about how I regularly sleep in past 10:00 9:00 am while my children happily entertain themselves??

I guess you have a point.

Sure I do. My not blogging has been for *your* benefit, see?

That's really thoughtful of you.

I know. I'm a giver.

But honestly, I've missed you and your witty insight into the minutiae of everyday life!

Sorry about that. I've tried to make a conscientious effort not to be in front of the computer so much this summer. It's been hard, seeing as how most of my closest friends live in my computer, but it's been good for my mental health.

What? Your mental health? What do you mean??

Never mind.

The least you can do is throw me a bone here. Haven't you done ANYTHING blog-worthy in the past two months? What about the chickens and the playhouse? What's going on with Jaws and the girls?

Okay, okay. Jaws went to Scout Camp at the end of June. We missed him a lot. He took my camera and came back with pictures like this:











A few days after James got home from camp, the girlies and I took of to Florida for a few days. We visited some old high school friends of mine, went to the beach, did some back to school shopping in the "big city" and generally had a great time.

The chickens are doing great! We almost double the flock to 15 after getting 7 more chickens from my brother. They are all getting big, and we should start seeing some eggs in the next month or so.

James finished their coop and run before he left for camp.



















Impressive, no? The playhouse still needs a real roof, some insulation and electricity, and James still has to build out the storage area under the playhouse (not to mention the whole structure needs to be painted). But the girls are happy, the chickens are happy, and I'm pretty sure we've become the crazy family in the neighborhood, as at least five different people have stopped and asked what the heck we were doing back there.

Jaws is busy with work. Madeline is excited to start middle school next month. Bella is excited to start 5th grade. I'm excited to start my third year of teaching Pre-K (and my 8th year of teaching preschool altogether). I am not excited that we will have to get up before the crack of dawn again. But that's still three weeks away, and I'm not going to think about it yet.

Good for you.

I know, right? See how much better my mental health is??

Uhh...

Trust me. It is.

I'll take your word for it. So what else??

Nope! You're not going to catch me monologing! That's enough news for now. If you want to know what I'm reading, check my Goodreads box on the side of my blog. For more day to day action, you'll find me on Facebook. If you really, really want me to post something (or something in particular) feel free to leave a blog comment. Now, I think I hear the UPS man delivering my latest order of books from Amazon, so adios amigos!

What up, peeps?

1. Sometimes I worry because my vocabulary of slang is hopelessly stuck in 1995. I still use phrases like "You're da bomb!" and "As if!", I use the word 'random' far too often and I've been known to throw up the 'whatever' and 'loser' signs on a regular basis. And frankly, my usual term of endearment for the DH is "Dude" instead of "Sweetcakes" or "Honeybuckets" or "Knuzzlebunny'- whatever the cool kids are using these days.

2. Is it wrong the be thinking about what I'd like my grandchildren to call me before my own children have even hit puberty? And do I care if it is? Answer: no. I think about this far too often. Maybe it's hearing all of the grandparents names around preschool. In my class this year, we have grandparents called Dut and Bones (who are seriously hilarious people), Da and Moose, Pops and Lindy, Char Char, Gamma and Bookie and my personal favorites, Grumps and Begs. In the past I've had a Bets, Sugar, Sweet, Ya Ya, Papou and of course the more run-of-the-mill Grandmom, Granddad/pa and Granny.

James had already decided that, like David Ortiz, he wants to be called 'Papi'. I like it. I think it suits him. Me, I'm leaning toward having the little nippers call me Jennifer. Because I think it would be funny. Or maybe Gram or Grammy. Or maybe Deliliah, just because.

3. Speaking of family, about 20 members showed up over here last Saturday so we could descend en masse on a performance of OZ. We didn't get to all sit together. (Which, if you know my family is probably a good thing. Just ask the people who have the misfortune to be sitting in the hospital waiting room with us when a member of the family is in said hospital. Or sitting by us at a restaurant. Or a funeral.)

It was the first time James and I watched to play all the way through, and we were incredibly impressed and proud. The girls have handled the pressure and stress with a maturity we certainly don't posess!We have three more performances to go, and then we are DONE.

Pictures!

First costumes- Bella as a munchkin and Madeline as part of the Tin Man's "pit crew"


After the show in their Emerald City Citizen costumes






In addition to other things, James built Dorothy's house


and the Munchkinland Village!

Nostalgia, Part Two

Another reason for all of the nostalgia over the past few weeks is because of my love of reading.

I've always read to the girls, even from the time they were babies. I knew that I'd never be able to make them into prima ballerinas or Olympic athletes, but I could read to them and hopefully encourage and foster a love of reading in themselves. I'm going to go ahead and pat myself on the back and say MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. (I also hope to show them an example of humility and modesty. I'll get back with you on that.)

I'd always been the one to recommend books to the girls- stuff I liked at their age, the latest selection in the Scholastic Book catalog, a book I picked up from the library, etc. Sometimes they took my suggestion, but not always. However, in the past six months they have been the ones handing me books saying, "You have GOT to read this!!". I won't lie- it makes me prouder than a peacock.

About a year ago, I came across the blog of Betsy Bird via Goodreads. She was often leaving reviews on the same children, middle-grade and young adult books that I was reading. Turns out she's a funny, intelligent librarian who lives in NYC and writes a blog for the School Library Journal online. She was (at the time) doing a reading suggested poll of the Top 100 Children's Picture Books of all time. Good stuff my friends, especially if you

1) work with children and have to read them books or
2) just love children's picture books irrespective of children.

I happen to fit into both categories, so Betsy had me hooked from there on out as a daily reader of her blog. In early January, annouced that she was going to do another poll- this time it would be the Top 100 Children's Novels. Now, as someone who combs through the children's book section at the library as much as I do the adult, this set my heart a pitter patter. Betsy invited her readers to submit their Top Ten choices, with the books listed in order of preference. So not only did we have to "cut our darlings" by ONLY LISTING TEN BOOKS, we also had rate our love!!

For the entire month of January, I agonized. Only ten?? That means I can't list ALL of the Harry Potter books, ALL of the Anne books, ALL of the Little House books, etc, etc. Pretty quickly I decided that I would ONLY pick one books from each series. (But how do I choose? Anne of the Island is my favorite, but without Anne of Green Gables there would be no Anne! And Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone is brilliant, but I deeply, passionately love Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! ARGH!! THE AGONY!)

All of this had me thinking and trying to remember every chapter book I had ever read. (Impossible) I had to think back on which books I not only loved, but also cherished and (dare I say it?) changed my life. I looked through my bookshelves, read through my old journals (as well as new ones) and finally came up with a list I emailed to Betsy.

This is what I ended up emailing to Betsy (minus the pictures):

After much Sturm und Drang....

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling



Totally wrong that we had to divide up the series, as it really is more than the sum of it's parts! However, for me, this is THE Harry Potter book. It's the culmination of everything. Every plotline, every character, every action was leading to this book. It's only after reading this book that you can fully realize just *how much work* Rowling put into these books, and it paid off one hundred fold for me as a reader. There are still passages I can't make it through without losing it completely.

2. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery



Another one where choosing just one from the series doesn't seem right! This is my "Choose one book to have with you on a desert island" book, even above a Harry Potter book. The Anne series is the first series I fell passionately in love with, and it starts with this book. After becoming aquainted with Anne I immediatly began to divide the world into 'kindreds' and 'non-kindreds' and started looking for my Gilbert Blythe. (Forget Mr. Darcy! Give me Gilbert anyday.)

3. Charlotte's Web by E. B. White



I read this book for the first time during the summer between 3rd and 4th grades. It was then that I decided it was more interesting to lay in bed and read rather than watch cartoons. I was hooked from the very start, and I could barely put the book down long enough to eat or sleep. I distinctively remember waking up early to read the last chapters, all while crying buckets of tears and eating trying to eat Rice Krispies that were getting soggy by the minute.

4. The Penderwicks by Jeanne Birdsall



I put off reading this book for a long time, and I was so mad at myself when I finally did read it. This book made me feel like that 9 year old girl again. It's just so charming and lovely and delightful. You can't help but try to decide if you are a "Rosalind" or a "Skye" or a "Jane" or a "Batty".

5. The Happy Golden Years by Laura Ingalls Wilder



My favorite Little House book. Laura and Almanzo were the first couple I ever "shipped". The story is universal, and just as relevant today as it was one hundred+ years ago.

6. Anastasia Krupnik by Lois Lowry



I loved Anastasia because she was a normal girl with normal problems (glasses, acne, cool-but-embarrassing parents, annoying little brothers, etc). She was also smart and funny, and I envied her hiking boots with red laces (and later her tower bedroom).

7. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg



I still can't think of a cooler place to run away to than the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

8. Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary



Also discovered during that magical summer

9. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George



This book described a life so different than my own. It was the first book I read that talked about about menstration in a matter-of-fact way. It talked so many "adult" topics in a way that made *me* feel like I was growing up. I read this around the same time I was reading the Babysitter's Club and Sweet Valley High books, and it made those books seem so trite and vapid. It was definitely a coming-of-age book for me.

10. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott



I still think Jo should have married Laurie.

None of my books have made the list...yet. I'm still hopeful- we're only through the first 50! But it's been so much fun to see books I love that I had to cut(Love That Dog) and books I had forgotten I loved (Pippi Longstocking) as well as a list as long as my arm of books that I want to read for the first time.

I'd love to hear your TOP TEN LIST!

Hello Friday, my old friend

This week I have been:

- battling a sinus infection
- overwhelmed with nostalgia more than once
- incredibly grateful for James
- humbled by my children
- staying up too late watching the Olympics
- enjoying my new bookcase and the living room rearrangement
- craving chocolate chip cookies but too lazy to make them

What about you?

A Year of Reading - In Review

With Goodreads making it so easy to keep track of my reading, I didn't keep a month-by-month word document like I have in the past. For five years, my only New Year's Resolution was to read 50 New-To-Me books over the course of the year.

If you check out my 2009 Goodreads Bookshelf you'll see that I read 98 new books! I'm satisfied that I exceeded my goal, but I think I probably could have done better. I really thought I would at least get to 100. Of course, this doesn't count all of the books I re-read or the hundreds of books I read at preschool over the course of the school year!

Jennifer's 50-in-2009 book montage

Jennifer's favorite books »

But in the spirit of the new decade, I've decided to up my goal to 100 New-To-Me books over the course of 2010. I think I can do it, even though it will be a bit of a challenge. But *this* is the type of challenge that one can look forward to, yes? ;)

Next up: A BEST OF post!