All this introspective navel-gazing is making my head hurt.

The other day I told someone I was going to be 33 this year. I was wrong. I'm going to be 34. That, in turn, made Jaws upset because *he* thought he was going to be 37 this year. He's not. He's going to be 38. As in, two years from the dreaded 4-0. Poor guy.

Our 15th anniversary is this year, too. Crazy. As in 15 years we've been making each other crazy as well as being crazy in love.

Today I realized that I am not cute. I have never been cute. I will never be cute. Classic? Sure. Comfortable? Yes. But cute? No. I won't be cute. My house won't be cute. Cute is beyond my reach. And another dream bites the dust. (Not really. Well, kind of. I mean, I wouldn't mind having a cute house. But that would probably mean worrying about having curtains and decent furniture instead of making sure I have adequate bookshelf space.) I think the best I can hope for is neat. That's not too bad, I guess.

I have to start thinking about dinner now. Jaws complained that there was never any FOOD for him last summer. This summer, I have really made an effort to make sure there is FOOD for him, as opposed to munchies the girls and I would be happy to live off of from June till August. Tonight we are having BIG SALADS. I have lots of fresh veggies, and there will also be bacon, cheese and croutons. Tasty. I am making dessert, too. Strawberries and blueberries mixed with Honey Greek yogurt topped with crunbled shortbread cookies.

It will all be tasty, but not cute.

Life With Tweens

I love my girls. They are truly awesome. If I could have hand-picked my children I would have picked them.

Our relationship is changing. Madeline is less than three months away from turning 13. Isabella will be 12 on her next birthday. They are closer to being adults than they are to being babies. I see them stretching their wings, finding their own way, making their own choices. And I'm happy for them. I really am.

I've always tried to be aware and appreciate whatever age they happened to be at, so I don't wish that the time hasn't passed as quickly as it has. I just want them to be ready to face what's ahead of them. I'm proud of the way they seem to be walking the narrow bridge between childhood and the teen years; not too fast, not too slow, and with confidence and determination.

I see more of THEM and less of me and their father. Sometimes when I see "us" in "them" it makes me sad and frustrated, because it's not the qualities I wanted to pass on. (A little more determination and a little less stubborness would have been nice.) Mostly I feel happy, because they are MY PEOPLE, and they always will be. But they are their own people too, and that's a good thing.

Good Bye, I'm Moving to the BIG CITY

I was doing great, keeping calm and carrying on and all, when on Saturday our lawn guy put a rock through my van window. Did you know that auto insurance is not like medical insurance, in that once you meet your deductible you are good for a year?? No, with auto insurance you have to meet the deductible EACH AND EVERY INCIDENT!!

Luckily, I know a glass guy. A benefit of small town living- I have a personal glass guy! I called him up and told him my sob story, and he told me that he would order my glass and have it installed by Tuesday, and $50 cheaper than the insurance company recommended where we would get a "discount".

So now I have new glass, and we have also settled with the insurance company on James' car. All that's left is to find him some new wheels. And if we have any more car trouble this summer the title of my post will absolutely true.

In other news, we hosted a birthday party at our house last night, and it was a rousing success. In sadder news, now that all of these people have been to our house they will move, because that's what ALWAYS happens when we make friends. Sorry, Albany.

In other other news, I'm making Sloppy Joes for dinner. They will be tasty, because I'm *pretty* sure I make the very best Sloppy Joes ever.

Keeping Calm and Carrying On

If you know me well, then you know this has been my motto for about two years now. This was truly a week for me to KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. James got into a minor fender bender on Monday. Fortunately he wasn't hurt. Unfortunately it wasn't minor enough, because the insurance company has decided to total it out. :/

I hate dealing with car issues. It's just SUCH A PAIN. It causes me a lot of anxiety and stress, simply because we depend on our vehicles so much. But short of moving somewhere where I can rely strictly on public transportation, there's really nothing I can do about it.

So I'm keeping calm and carrying on. Yay, me!

In other news, Lulu finally got all her lady bits removed this week. This makes me very happy. I may not do a lot of things right, but I spay and neuter my pets, by golly! Bob Barker would be so proud. She's recovering nicely from the surgery. She's been a bit mellow (but wouldn't you if you just had your belly cut open?).

After I picked her up from the vet I dropped her off at the groomer's for her first haircut. She looks so naked now! I had to laugh when the groomer brought her out, though, because she had bows on her ears and a bandana around her neck. Her BFF Lexi was waiting for her when she got home. (Lexi's mom is at Girls Camp with Madeline, and her dad was out of town for work.) These two pups play so good together! Lexi had to immediatly investigate Lulu's scar, and they even tried to share Lexi's crate last night. Awww....

Madeline comes home from camp tomorrow. I hope she had a great experience. I personally didn't "do" Girls Camp except as an adult, and only then because I had to. ;) Bella can hardly wait to go next year. I'm glad she's excited!

The Mom Prayer

As I send my baby off to Girls Camp today, I keep thinking of something that Tina Fey wrote in her HILARIOUS, AMAZING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING BOOK Bossypants. (Be warned, there is a bit of salty language, but even my own mother has used salty language in times of deep, deep distress.)

The Mother’s Prayer for Its Daughter

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

Tina Fey, Bossypants, 2011

Suuuuuuummmeerrrrrrtiiiiiiiiiimmmeee.......

(Imagine me singing that in my best Lena Horne voice. Sounds, amazing, doesn't it?)

--- The girls have been out of school one whole week and we are in FULL-ON summer mode. Lazy mornings, good books, cold drinks, late dinners, getting in some body of water as often as possible. I feel bad that Jaws has to go to work. Oh well. Someone has to bring home the bacon (although I will happily fry it up in the pan. It's BLT weather, baby!).

--- Speaking of babies, Madeline is headed to Girls Camp next week for the first time. GIRLS CAMP PEOPLE!! I feel old. My other baby brought down the house and slammed the door on Fifth grade by bringing home STRAIGHT A's on her final report card. BOO-to-the-YAH. After all the struggles we've had this year I feel gloriously vindicated.

--- I just looked at the temp on Weather Bug. It's 101 degrees today. On June 1st. Breaking records all over the place. Luckily the humidity is only 28%, making it feel like "only" 104 degrees. I shudder to think of what the weather will feel like on Friday when it's supposed to be hotter and humid-er. (Or MORE HUMID for you grammar nuts.)

--- My brother and his family are moving to Alabama this weekend. Boo! Why does he need a "career"? I need my nieces and nephews around to amuse me!! Luckily, I like the state of Alabama, redneck-married-cousinss-jokes aside. It's a pretty state, it's not landlocked, and you can buy fireworks year round.

--- I have read nine books since school ended for me on the 13th. Deeply, deeply satisfying. I love reading. It's so entertaining! I have also cleaned out my pantry, closet, playroom and dresser drawers. Also satisfying, but not nearly as entertaining. (Although re-reading notebooks and journals from high school is ALWAYS entertaining. I had forgotten how much bad poetry I wrote at one point. Did I throw it away? No way, Jose!)

I think I'll go eat some watermelon before I take the girls to church tonight. Then I might eat some ice cream. Because it's summer and all.